Top right narration box in the first panel seems to be missing a word or two. “It’s I travelled to the future or something.” should probably be “It’s like I travelled…” or “It’s as if I travelled…”
As a US citizen it pains me to spell “traveller” with two els, but thankfully I’ve played enough of the Traveller TTRPG over the decades to overcome my instinctual single-el spelling. 🙂
Digging the Kirby-space look in panel two. Got that whole vibe down pat here. Good job on getting the Fast Track diameter right, ~6000 km looks very plausible if that a roughly Luna-sized body there.
I have a feeling we are going to see Silverback in the power house at some point. After all, the limits of his strength and resistance have yet to be confirmed, if any…
I like all the panels. Panel 1 for showing both a original tech angel/fairy costume side by side with a classic caped one, panel 2 for showing “just how massive”, panel 3 for the feeling of extreme speed, and panel 4 for delivering on an extreme test of strength, the cheering crowd being a welcome funny sight but not detracting from how hard this is for Steelia (if by a humongous stroke of luck that is her name).
Oh, and in panel 3, V-Whiz (the fellow in orange) does seem to be eyeing Lightning Lioness’s back, or maybe a lower area. I’m more concerned about Trackrunner (the fellow in yellow), that looks to me like he’s sliding to his left. (Also, the Fast Track’s curvature isn’t particularly realistic, except of course the picture takes the huge speeds into account.)
Last, and in its own comment if you want to delete it, the third box in panel two uses the word “entirity”, that should read “entirety”, and “comparible”, that should read “comparable”.
And in panel three, the top right box says “around a track more that extends over 6000 kilometers”. The word “more” strikes me as incorrectly placed here. You might simply remove it, or maybe rephrase into something to the tune of “around a track that extends over more than 6000 kilometers”.
Ah, great catches! thanks for pointin’ ’em out chum, between adhd and dyslexia I make a fair pigs-lug of script hahah the fixed version should be live momentarily, I appreciate the heads up.
i’ll have to see about gettin’ a proof reader or somethin hahah
Top right narration box in the first panel seems to be missing a word or two. “It’s I travelled to the future or something.” should probably be “It’s like I travelled…” or “It’s as if I travelled…”
As a US citizen it pains me to spell “traveller” with two els, but thankfully I’ve played enough of the Traveller TTRPG over the decades to overcome my instinctual single-el spelling. 🙂
Digging the Kirby-space look in panel two. Got that whole vibe down pat here. Good job on getting the Fast Track diameter right, ~6000 km looks very plausible if that a roughly Luna-sized body there.
ah man, honestly – HOW I manage to miss such obvious errors just terrorizes me hahah but thanks, I appreciate the heads up and I’ve sorted it!
I have a feeling we are going to see Silverback in the power house at some point. After all, the limits of his strength and resistance have yet to be confirmed, if any…
I like all the panels. Panel 1 for showing both a original tech angel/fairy costume side by side with a classic caped one, panel 2 for showing “just how massive”, panel 3 for the feeling of extreme speed, and panel 4 for delivering on an extreme test of strength, the cheering crowd being a welcome funny sight but not detracting from how hard this is for Steelia (if by a humongous stroke of luck that is her name).
Oh, and in panel 3, V-Whiz (the fellow in orange) does seem to be eyeing Lightning Lioness’s back, or maybe a lower area. I’m more concerned about Trackrunner (the fellow in yellow), that looks to me like he’s sliding to his left. (Also, the Fast Track’s curvature isn’t particularly realistic, except of course the picture takes the huge speeds into account.)
Last, and in its own comment if you want to delete it, the third box in panel two uses the word “entirity”, that should read “entirety”, and “comparible”, that should read “comparable”.
And in panel three, the top right box says “around a track more that extends over 6000 kilometers”. The word “more” strikes me as incorrectly placed here. You might simply remove it, or maybe rephrase into something to the tune of “around a track that extends over more than 6000 kilometers”.
Hope it helps.
Ah, great catches! thanks for pointin’ ’em out chum, between adhd and dyslexia I make a fair pigs-lug of script hahah the fixed version should be live momentarily, I appreciate the heads up.
i’ll have to see about gettin’ a proof reader or somethin hahah
If you want a proof reader, let me volunteer. Send me a line at heloisedartagnan (at) yopmail (dot) com.
By the way, I had missed “invincib*i*le” in the second box of panel two.